I grew up with parents that taught me to be a very responsible and dependable person.  I’ll always be grateful for that.  I hardly ever took a sick day and I even walked through two feet of snow to school because we couldn’t get out of our driveway.  True story.  That snowy day of course was a joke at school because most people couldn’t get out of their driveways and there were only about 1/4 of the student body there.  My mother and I laugh about it now.  But it has taken years of me getting some perspective to see that even though some things like school are absolutely important, it isn’t the reason for our whole existence.  There must definitely be a balance.

Fast forward a few years.  I didn’t have kids yet, but I had a friend with several children.  We were visiting one day and she said that she hadn’t gotten anything done that day because her kids were home from school.  I asked her if they were sick or something.  She said, “Oh no, we just haven’t seen much of each other lately so I let them stay home with me.”  Wow.  That was different than what I was used to.

Fast forward a few more years to after I had my first couple of children.  I was signed up at a local gym and took the kids to the day care there.  Normally drop off was fairly simple.  I was only gone for less than an hour after all.  I knew from being a preschool teacher for several years that when kids are having a hard time with drop off that it was better for the parent to just give a kiss and leave, rather than linger.  The kids escalated less without the parent there.  One day, my two year old was not happy about the drop off.  I knew in my head that I should just leave him, and the teachers there were prepared to take him with his tears.  However, a sweet spirit whispered to me that today was different.  For whatever reason, my child needed me more that day than my workout needed me.  Against my previous notions I decided to cancel my visit to the day care gym that day and just take the kids home and spend some time together.  I continued to go to the gym after that and the tears never happened again.  I’m glad I decided to take that day off.

Fast forward a few more years to 2017.  I now have four kids in school.  The kids really enjoy school for the most part and are rarely sick.  So far, they get almost perfect attendance unless we take a day early for a vacation or someone is puking.  One of my younger kids has always had a harder time going to school because she is such a mommy’s girl, but we have had a lot of success overcoming some of her fears.  She is in first grade this year.  Toward the beginning of the year she had a little “accident” at school.  I promptly went over to the school with a change of clothes.  She was fine, but feeling a little clingy.  She wanted to just go home rather than stay at school the rest of the day.  I had a problem.  I knew that I needed to be firm with her going to school because of some issues we have had in the past with convincing her to get out of the car and walk into the school.  I had two schools of thought warring within my head.  Make her tough it out.  Give her some TLC.  What to do?

And this is where a new tradition was born.   Once again, with some help from inspiration from above I realized that I could be tough and give her some TLC.  I told her that every kid deserves one slough day a year; a day they can take off even if they aren’t sick or have an appointment.  They need a day for when they are feeling sad or just need a break.  She could take her day then or save it for later in the year just in case.  What did she want to do?  Of course, like most impatient first graders she wanted to use it that day.  But I knew that if something like this came up again that I could kindly remind her that she already used her personal day and she had to wait until second grade for another.  It was her choice and not me being uncaring.  She had a great day that day playing with her younger siblings, eating lunch with mom, and watching a little extra tv.

So, to be fair, this new tradition was now opened to all of the children starting now until the end of our schooling days.  We all love it that much.  The other kids were given the chance to be more careful at choosing their personal day.  The picture above is me taking one of my oldest to the Beauty and the Beast movie the day it came out during school.  It was just the two of us.  It was a treasured date with her.  Another day during the year, my second grader seemed especially stressed as the kids left for school.  I had a feeling as I was dropping off my preschooler a little later that morning that she needed her personal day that day.  I don’t really know why, but I listened and went straight back to the school to check her out.  She and I had a great day together.

I love the balance this provides for me with both of my schools of thinking.  On the one hand, the kids learn to be responsible and go to school with no excuses.  On the other hand, offering one day a year gives them a chance to feel loved and respected when life is just plain rough.  Justice versus mercy.  Not a new concept.  It’s a beautiful thing.

How can you find this balance in  your life with your family?  Comment below and give us some of your fabulous ideas.